There is a Well

A mentor told me in my early 20’s, “You must fill your well if you expect to have anything to say that’s worthwhile.” His reference was to reading.

Reading a book is like taking the hand of an author; at which time, she leads you down a path. A path that turns, dips, and climbs; it weaves in and out of dense foliage; it takes you through dry desert places and returns you to lush forests; and sometimes surprises you with vast precipices that you awe at the depths.

You grab her hand and trust she’ll lead you safely and wonderfully through a landscape that she alone chooses…for you.

To trust such a guide is to allow our lives to be enriched, and that, no one on this planet can steal, barter, or diminish from you.

It’s a treasure gained. A treasure that you can reach for and use at anytime. A treasure that can change you forever.

Of course, at any time, we can always let go of the author’s hand, but we will never experience the journey. It’s a shame to miss out on the wondrous light of elves, the dark tunnels of orcs, or the luminous and breathtaking peaks of another world far away.

I lost many years being one who loathed to read. Now, though I am far from a fast, voracious, or prolific reader, I take the hands of many who have toiled to bring me new worlds, new visions, and new experiences.

Fill your well.

Fill it frequently.

Fill it daily.

Posted by Christian Martin Jr. in Reinvention
All About the…About Page

All About the…About Page

Last night, I decided to spend some time writing an About page for this site.

This is the most difficult writing assignment I’ve ever had.

Not that any one told me to do it; just a self-imposed assignment. There’s also an expectation when someone visits your webpage, at least for me, after a quick glance at the home page, go straight to the About page.

I think I’ve written and rewritten the stinking page about a jazillion times now over the course of at least a year—NO JOKE!

But now, it’s crunch time.

By the time you read this, this site will be functional—at least, as functional as possible.

I’m writing this two days in advance, which means by the time you read this, it’ll be two days in the past. Think of that! You’re time traveling by two days into the past when you read this post.

Anyways, before writing this post, I wrote in my private journal, as I do every morning. I try to. And the power of journaling is an amazing thing, but this isn’t about journaling, it’s about a page on a website called, About.

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Over a year ago, I started posting this blog on my Facebook page under the notes section. I made a self-imposed deadline of posting every Friday. I don’t remember why Fridays; it just worked out that way.

Here’s the reason I posted on my FaceBook page instead of getting a website up and running right away; well, actually there’s a couple reasons…

1) Posting on Facebook was an experiment. I’ve had a lot of people tell me over the years that some of the craziness that’s dribbled off my lips has helped them. So, I hope this stuff helps you too.

2) I figured putting these posts out to my friends would be safe. And if it didn’t go well, then I could keep hiding under the rock I lived under, stop posting, delete the ones I had already put on my page, and then everyone would eventually forget I even did such a silly thing.

So, in essence, I was afraid and didn’t believe in myself.

I hate to admit such things here because I have this persona of being Mr. Badass. It’s a place of comfortability for me. I have fought my whole life and if I lost a fight as a kid, I learned early on never to admit it because the punishment was pretty severe.

Which leads to this, it’s all a facade and we all hide behind carefully erected walls, and then paint those walls on the outside to reflect what we want others to see us as; not necessarily what’s inside.

Sometimes, maybe many times, we paint the outer walls a color we think others will accept. But on the inside, we cringe because those aren’t our true colors.

That brings a lot of conflict inside the walls of our fortress and before we know it, we walk around stressed, frustrated, and a bit confused as to who we are, where our passion has gone, what we are doing, and where we’re headed.

The effort put into making the outside pretty for others to view, and ultimately approve of, is so draining, and we rarely venture inside the fortress we’ve built to see what’s going on.

The noise that surrounds us and the distractions we give ourselves to only heighten the acuteness of our dilemma when we glance inside; it’s dark in there, and sometimes there’s monsters in there: at least with the lights off, everything in the closest looks like the boogieman.

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I don’t think I’ve done this before (share anything from my journal), but here’s a portion of what I wrote in my journal this morning:

It’s taken 70 weeks, which amounts to 1.35 years to get myself out on the web.

Why?

Fear. Fear of failure.

It’s taken way too long to get somethings done because I’m afraid.

Afraid of what people might say. Afraid if I fail, then people will ridicule me, wag their heads and say, “What an idiot? He should’ve stayed in law enforcement and made a run at sheriff.”

Or, I’m afraid of succeeding. I am. Because that means I’ll stand out.

Either way, I stand out.

Fail = people see, people talk, people walk away.

Succeed = people gawk, people talk, people walk away.

Hm…

Ego. Maybe that’s what it is [sic] that I’m so sensitive.

Is it because of ego I spend way too much time over thinking an About Page. I want to come off friendly, passionate, and confident with who I am and what I’m here to accomplish.

But it’s hard. Hard to stand up, face anyone, and declare, “listen, what I have can really help you.” It takes a self-confidence that few have. I have little and have always been told to just perform my duties and be quiet. “…to be seen and not heard” rings loudly between my ears. Early programming that I desperately try to change but when it’s a bedrock it’s hard without blasting things out of the way to get a new road in.

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For most of us, there’s this tendency to look down, beat on, and demean the person we are. We just don’t give ourselves enough credit when due, and when we do make a mistake, then holy crap! We will shave off layers of ourselves grating ourselves to a nub like when you grate cheese, and the only thing left in your fingers is a pathetic little ball of goo.

Then, in my insecure little way, the inevitable always comes out in silly clichés:

“I’m not the brightest bulb in the house,”

“…not the sharpest crayon in the box…hell, if I even had a box.”

Changing the internal storyline isn’t easy.

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I suppose this is where I’m to give a bulleted info thingy about how to change this or that or whatever.

I’m not going to.

Instead…

What’s your storyline?

What hides behind the carefully erected walls of your castle?

What would your About page say?

I wonder, would you take the time today, just a few minutes, and write an About page…of yourself?

Nothing long. Nothing anyone needs to read. Nothing to post to the world.

Just a post…to yourself, About…yourself.

What lies inside.

What makes you excited.

What it is you think you’re here for.

Then…read it back to yourself…you might be surprised at what you find out…About yourself.

Oh, and if you want, I would be freaking excited if you emailed it to me.

No worries, I’m a confidant, I won’t share it and after I read your About page, I’ll delete it.

Posted by Christian Martin Jr. in Reinvention