In Pursuit of…

In Pursuit of…

“Well, sir, I hate to inform you, but you’re under arrest,” I calmly told the man, looking him square in the eyes.

My partner and I responded to his residence on a 9-1-1 call which he reportedly hit his wife during an argument.

Said husband was outside on the porch with my partner when I came out after speaking to family inside the home.

He smiled and nodded, “I understand.”

“We’re not going to have any problems, are we?” I already saw it coming.

He had squared up with my partner while pretending to be friendly telling us the whole time he would cooperate; yet, his body language screamed something completely different.

He glanced out of the corner of his eyes, licked his lips, scanned my boots, quickly looked into the air a few times, then repeated the cycle, and never held eye contact with me.

I knew he was looking for a way out: he was about to fight us, or run.

“No, sir,” he stated confidently, then leaned to his left to cough, then bolted down the pathway of broken lumber that served as the family’s front entrance.

After a short foot pursuit, which ended with him being tackled from behind and ever so professionally placed on the ground, he was officially arrested.

Life as a cop depends greatly on the ability to read body language within a fraction of a moment.

If you truly listen to people—not only to their words but how they deliver those words—you can tell a lot about a person that they may not be telling you.

Ah, but what about ourselves? What story do we tell ourselves in relation to what is buried among the layers we slip into on a daily basis?

________________________

A few years ago, a friend shared a TED Talk with me that Dr. Amy Cuddy did in 2012.

I know…this post might seem a little late in coming, but truth is timeless, and it can reach through time to touch and transform us in the here and now.

AND…it’s the second most watched TED Talk with over 43 million views. Wow. It’s worth watching every 21 minutes of its length. Here’s the link—Amy Cuddy.

She studies body language. Her research concluded that the way we present ourselves—the nonverbal in body language—can make a major difference about how others view us, and…how we view ourselves.

________________________

Dr Cuddy talks about how tiny tweaks can lead to big changes.

One of the things she discovered in her research is that standing for 2 minutes in an empowering pose can actually change your internal chemistry boosting your confidence level in stressful situations.

The power pose she refers to has been called the Wonder Woman pose: hands on hips, chest thrusted out, and head lifted high.

And yes, I did this during lunch today!

I need every advantage I can snag when it comes to change.

You see, I have wrestled some ugly things in my life: depression, suicidal thoughts, anger, self-hatred, bitterness.

Those filters can make life changes practically impossible.

Why?

Because, when I’m trying to learn something new, or I don’t meet an self-imposed standard of whatever, or I plain ol’ miss the mark, then the perfectionist side kicks in.

“You’re an idiot! You’ll never get it right. You’ll never make it as a   (fill in the blank) . You’re a failure. You’ll never change.”

It’s a cascade effect into a dark deep hole.

________________________

I have filled positions in life that I felt totally unworthy to fulfill.

Doc Cuddy says during her talk, Fake it until you become it.

I honestly can tell you that it works.

I have started out on a new path in life that some despise, some could careless, and some love.

Too many times I get wrapped up in the negative feedback of those who don’t understand the changes.

Then wonder why I’m depressed as I slouch around and sit curled up on a couch waiting for someone to burp me and feed me milk and cookies until I feel better.

I know, it’s a pathetic sight.

________________________

My tiny tweaks? Believe it or not, they started back in 2012, the same year Dr Cuddy did this talk. I didn’t see this vid until 2015.

Journaling. Small, insignificant writings about life, where I was at, the changes I wanted to make, and the failures attempting to make those changes.

Led me to meditating.

That led me to beginning to take inventory of having positive people and situations surround me. That led to filling my well—AKA my mind—with things that were uplifting.

Then I watched a TED Talk about how a tiny tweak in my body language, to myself, could make a difference.

She makes a statement that resonated with me. A statement that in spite of places in my life I have felt like a total fraud and had no business being apart of.

Fake it until you become it. She said.

Why is it that we don’t believe in ourselves? Why is it that we blast the very feet out from under us when we have done the work, have placed our selves on the doorstep of opportunity, only to have it open and we say, “Oh, I’m not worthy.”?

I believe in magic. I believe in miracles. I believe you and I can change, dramatically, starting with a few, insignificant, and yes, probably silly sounding techniques.

________________________

While back, I locked myself out of the house. It wasn’t until I returned from the store that I realized that I had left the house key in another pair of pants…laying inside the house.

Not long ago, I would have flew into a rage and busted the door window or just booted the door in like a SWAT call-out—which destroys the door and the doorpost.

But change happens, and changes are real.

I smiled standing at the door with groceries in hand, my shoulders back, and said to myself, “Hm.”

Then, I figured it would be a good time to read since I had my iPad with me. Then, a little later a thought struck me on how to get inside without damaging anything.

Not once did I even think of getting angry…not once.

 

 

Photo by: https://pixabay.com/en/users/Alexas_Fotos-686414/

Posted by Christian Martin Jr. in Reinvention, 0 comments
<em>Quit</em>

Quit

“People don’t really change, Christian,” he said.

“Oh? I think they can,” I replied.

“Nope!” he was adamant and dug in, “I don’t believe anyone changes. I think they only adapt to what’s going on around them.”

My friend and I discussed this for quite some time.

“It takes a lot of energy to change one small thing in someone’s life,” he continued. “And, I think people remain the same. They never really change, they just adapt.”

My friend and I have had many conversations over the years, and many times we disagreed. But that’s okay. We respected each other’s opinions.

It wasn’t like we were arguing either; more like he would tell me his point of view; I would chew on it, then I would tell him my point of view. He would mull it over for a few days and we’d exchange thoughts again.

Oh, and we were not out to change each other’s opinions. We volleyed thoughts and ideas and beliefs around.

“I’m going to hell,” he once quipped. And, he was serious.

“Oh?” That seemed to be my default reply.

“Yep,” and then he went on for several minutes why he was going to hell, and why he thought he was going to enjoy it.

He knew I was a preacher in my twenty’s. He knew my belief system. He was totally serious and not trying to mock or disrespect my past or current beliefs.

“Oh my,” I said with a smile, but he wasn’t smiling. Then I said, “Well…okay then.”

Then he talked about life, changing, even quitting and moving on to do something else that wouldn’t be such a drain on him.

I listened.

“Well, I can’t just up and start over. That’s a lot of work and takes energy that I don’t have.” he was right. Not many folks I’ve talked with have the same insight. My friend is very deliberate and intentional when it comes to thinking things through.

Yet, at the end of the day, we were still friends. And even today, even though we live miles apart now, we’re still friends.

Respect. Honor. And, lot of trust between us…even in spite of all our differences.

I’ve thought long about our conversations at times over the years. Especially his view about change.

I think we’re both right. If there’s a right or a wrong to be had here.

__________

I’ve always been interested in change. Mostly because I grew up a hot head, kept to myself, smallest guy in class, and a bit of an introvert, unless I felt comfortable.

That led to a lot of trouble. Being comfortable that is.

Then I’d cut loose. Then I’d get into trouble. Then I would get frustrated. Then I would lose my temper.

Trust me. I needed to change. And I did.

__________

I gave myself to each career I’ve had, and I’ve burned out in each. To the point that I was getting physically sick from the stress and tension that burnout brings.

I didn’t take care of myself during those times. I thought it was a badge of honor to say things like, “Yeah, I go on about 3 to 5 hours of sleep a night.” Oh, make sure to picture my head held high when you read this, because that’s how much esteem I put on that statement.

I thought going on little sleep and working 14 to 18 hours a day was how it needed to be done.

So, the only time I ever got sleep was when my body became so exhausted that I would crash once a month and sleep 10 to 12 hours.

Sleep deprivation is a killer. I was lucky.

I quit a perfect job that I loved to start over from scratch, and that being over the age of 50!

So, now, I know it can be done.

__________

We live in a time that our country is being torn by opinions without any regard to facts. I don’t get into politics or even hashing about the news much. Most of it is opinion, or spun with a certain filter; it’s hard to glean the facts and make good decisions about current affairs.

But, family members will go to war over whether or not Trump’s statements about NFL players was right or wrong.

Heck, family will go to war over who’s right or who’s wrong when it comes to evolution or creation.

I have family members who have unfriended and blocked me on Facebook because I’ve published a book, write certain things on this blog, and…the changes I have made in my life.

I’m sorry I have let so many down. I just think it’s time to respect and honor the core beliefs within as well as those who differ from us.

I wonder…would this whole issue about the NFL and the National Anthem be much of an issue if those who have the issue would sit down, chat with respect and dignity toward each other and come up with a solution about the issue?

__________

I miss the days of having a conversation with my friend about things we disagreed on.

Those volleys were such a healthy thing for the mind. I made him think. He made me think. We came up with some great ideas between one another that made an impact in the county we lived and worked.

Think of that! Two men, who completely disagreed on many things, from what we believe in to how to get a job done, could actually respect and honor one another that when we acted as one, made changes that affected a whole community!

Oh, that brings up the fact that there was Action and not mere words involved!

Hm!

Again, it all comes down to this with him and I:

  • Respect
  • Honor
  • Trust
  • and I’ll throw this in there…Love!
Posted by Christian Martin Jr. in Reinvention, 2 comments