Quiet, peace, stillness

Permission to be Quiet

Recently, a friend emailed and asked why I didn’t post last week as I usually do.

I haven’t missed a post in over two years! Every Friday, before midnight, I hit the publish button; whether I’m scared to death or not of putting my life out there. I’ve hit the publish button.

Last week?

Nothing. Nada. Crickets at best.

I did something that is extremely hard for this rigid, to be early is to be on time; to be on time is to be late, kind of guy.

I gave myself permission…

To deviate from the normal routine that I have established.

I gave myself permission not to be inundated with guilt because I dare to even think of doing something different.

So, I gave myself a break free from a routine that I developed which I found myself becoming a slave to.

Hence why I decided not to publish last week.

Sounds silly, actually…to feel guilty about doing something like that.

But, my creative time had become stale and during a time when I’m experiencing a season of changes. A few are intentional; a few are not–where the circumstances of life popped out of nowhere and are out of my control.

There once was a time where I would’ve freaked out and would’ve overanalyzed every possible outcome and fretted over every possible solution.

Knotted, anxious, and fearful, I would have run myself into the ground until there was nothing left to give of myself except for an angry and agitated shell of a man to whoever would be at the receiving end.

This time, I decided to be…quiet.

Instead of forcing life and kicking down doors with certain situations—like I was trained to do in the Marines and as a SWAT officer—I’m applying a different approach.

I’ve decided to quiet myself and allow life to come at me; sort of like letting go a bit and not trying to have a stranglehold on everything in my life.

 

During this time, I’m focusing on a few things without turning these things into a form of rigid control…

— I focus on my spiritual health. I take longer walks to pray and meditate a bit more. It’s helped me to remain level-headed while circumstances out of my control have changed the trajectory that I have planned out for life (think reality vs my expectations).

— I focus on my physical health, without pounding my body into the ground till I’m sick, exhausted, and injured.

— I focus on mental health. A deliberate act of not letting my mind turn into a soft gooey thing—it’s a muscle, and it’ll easily go soft if not exercised properly. I don’t spend much time on facebook anyways, and I limit that even more in times like this. I read more, which means I give myself permission to read and not write as much—let the well recharge, so-to-speak. Just the other day, instead of doing my idealist, I studied some new vocabulary words.

— I focus on emotional health and make intentional decisions as to who I let in close. I don’t have time for drama, nor am I interested in being sucked down that rabbit hole ever again. There is no sacred ground here for me; drama, dismissiveness, gossip, negativity…no matter who…it gets cut out of my life. Sounds harsh, but life is short. Too short to live under the cloud of someone else’s drama that they try to impose upon others. Too short to live being condemned by and shoved into a dismissive category because my box doesn’t fit into their box.

So, I gave myself permission to be quiet.

I gave myself permission to process the big and small changes that are occurring.

I gave myself permission to take the time to reflect on the unexpected circumstances which have arisen that have changed the trajectory of life.

I gave myself permission to change, adapt, and be more flexible, without the guilt, anxiety, and fear.

Permission to ease up on myself…

I think it’s something we all could benefit from, and give to ourselves from time to time.


Photo by Andraz Lazic on Unsplash

Posted by Christian Martin Jr.